taken & designed by herr twiggs | model: herr twiggs' hands

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today I came up with the idea to submit a very personal deviation.
fist I thought it needs a shocking title or something. but it is not something shocking for me at all - not anymore. it is a part of me. so the subject is the title.
I do nail biting since I can remember, tried to get rid of it a few times. but I couldn't stop doing it.
last year I let them grow like hell. it looked really good. but then something happened, I can't remember what, and I started to bite them again.

when I let my nails grow I'm somewhat into it that they have to look very nice. I polish them like hell, use some emery stuff and so on. when one of them get a crack I have to remove the nail with a scissor or something else, or do some emery stuff (I don't find the right word for it now). after a few days it looks like there never was a nail before.

sometimes this topic really bothers me. I ask myself silly questions like 'why can't I have nails like every "normal" person?' or 'what freaky thing happened to me that I bite my friends like hell?'...and so on.

but I accepted it as a part of me. only when I tell my mind to stop, then I stop. but not forever. there is always a time where I need this...addictive behavior. I don't know if I ever get rid of it. but this time I don't really care.

sometimes the addiction to bite nails is like a friend who helps you over things away you cannot change. I don't know. it is something warm and refreshing that comes over you. I really can't describe it in the right words.
I bite them, then I suddenly think I shouldn't do that. but then I did and everything's ok. not really ok, but just for the moment.

I tried that strange polish on my nails that taste like shit when you try to put the finger in your mouth. a few days later you like this tastes. so this one is no deal at all.

sometimes I need that bit.

like I said, it is a part of me. and there is a lot I can't and I don't want to change.

on recoveryourlife.com [link] I first read that nail biting is a disorder or more the sort of self harm. I never knew that it is such a topic.

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